It's Okay

I want it so badly. Smirking, success lay just beyond the stretch of my arm. It is right there, but it was so far. There is nothing to hold on to. Checking for handholds, grasping for any nook I can get my tired hand into, tears come to my eyes. I want it so badly. Having no luck with finding a grip for either hand, I look down. That's when I realize how far off the ground I really am. A rush of fear or adrenaline runs through me as I return my eyes to the protrusion of rock. I have to do this, but I'm so far up. The words fall from my lips, "I'm stuck, I can't find a path up. I think I'm ready to come down." My tongue had betrayed me. I had wanted it so badly.

It's hard to accept defeat, but I think it's a good learning process - at least for me. I just want to be able to say that I not only went rock climbing, but I actually got to the top! It would've been so cool. It's good for me though. It makes me remember that it's good to try, and hopefully I'll keep trying to climb that rock, but that it's okay to fail. It's okay to say, "I can't do this." Our society is all about being successful and being the best, but how much will climbing to the top of a rock help me out later in life? Yes, it's completely awesome (and if you've done it, kudos!), but it's okay. It's okay. I have weaknesses (Whoa, did I just admit that?). It's okay. I've been reminded a lot about surrender lately (Well, when am I not?). That Jesus wants my whole heart. Not just part of it, but all of it. I think this whole rock thing is part of realizing that "What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul?" (Mark 8:36). Eternity-minded, it won't matter if I couldn't climb a mountain. I can already move mountains. It won't matter if I'm not a good dancer. Jesus does not care what I dance like as long as I'm dancing for him.

Surrender is something that's always on my mind. I needed to surrender my pride and my desire to get up the rock face to Him. I have a really hard time giving up things that I desperately want. I had wanted a relationship so bad, but I wouldn't give it up. It ended up wreaking such a havoc in my soul. I needed to surrender it to Christ; to be "okay" with however it turned out. That's what surrender is, in part. Trusting God that he will take care of your dreams, your relationships, your life, everything. I need to surrender my desires to Him, because He knows what is best.

The beauty is in the attempt. The beauty is in the weakness.

"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." (2 Corinthians 12:9-10)

The beauty is in the surrender.