Editing

I get discouraged very easily. When things get hard, I am the first to give up. Teaching is hard. Anyone who disagrees is no mere human. The hardest part about teaching is that if you're in it for the right reasons (anyone who's in it for the money is ridiculous) you truly want to be the best teacher you can be. You're continually asking, How can I do this better or What can I change to make this lesson more engaging? And in answering these questions you have to look at yourself; which is hard. Really hard. The more I learn about what makes a good teacher, the more frustrated I become. It seems that no matter what, I just can't make the cut. Why can't I just get this right!?

My relationship with Christ has been mirroring these thoughts. I found myself making a sarcastic comment the other day and quickly realized that the comment probably did not come off as sarcastic but rather rude and biting. One step forward, two steps back. The more Christ reveals His grace and holiness to me, the more I am made aware of my imperfections. I am comforted by Philippians 1:6, "being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."

I know that God is doing a good work in my heart. Sanctifying me and filling me with His grace. Like any good writer, God is revising, editing and purging me of things that would dampen the final masterpiece. It's a painful process but I move forward in expectant hope.

Nothing gold can stay

It is remarkable to me how closely the seasons can match those in our lives. A simple dialogue from The Outsiders reminds me of the changes in life and how quickly they come. It may seem premature for me to be writing about my life changing when I do not graduate for another semester but it's just like the weather forecast for this weekend. It's only October, and they are already predicting snow. It will snow this weekend.

It already seems as if I'm slowly receding from this place; getting ready to move onto something different. I do not see my friends as much, and if I do, it feels like we don't have much in common anymore. Realizing that I will be moving on, changing, and that they will be still here as college students is saddening. Why can't we go on this way, at least for a while longer? At least until I'm ready to let go.

Nature's first green is gold
Her hardest hue to hold
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.

-- Robert Frost